Laffy Taffy, Inc.
To: Jim Bronson, joke writer
From: Chuck Klein, VP Creative
CC: Jonathan Joke, President
Re: Latest Batch of Laffy Taffy Jokes
What did the supervisor egg say to his egg-ployee? You’re fried! Just kidding!
I hope things have been going well for you lately. I know divorce can be a difficult experience, especially with three children. Having been though a similar experience, I can tell you that the pain will eventually subside, and you’ll be able to get back on your feet.
Hey, what did the husband atom say to the wife atom? We gotta split! Boo-yah!
I’m writing about the latest batch of Laffy Taffy package jokes you sent over for approval. While you are one of our favorite writers, I’m just not sure these jokes are up to our usual standard of rip-roaring, family-friendly jokes that withstand the test of time. I realize that you are going through some troubles, so I have copied some of the jokes in question below for your quick, easy reference:
Q. What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?
Shore! Then I’ll suck out your sole over a period of several years while sleeping with a DMV employee.
Q. How do you get a peanut to laugh?
You crack it up! (By getting your wife to belittle you in public, like that time at the Christmas party where she talked about your eight-second sex session)
Q. What did the big tree say to his son?
I have to leave the forest because your mother is a slut.
(See, Jim, this one isn’t even funny.)
Q. How do you make a witch itch?
Take away their ‘W.’ And add a ‘B’. Yeah, take that, bitch. I’ll show you, bitch. I’m gonna run you over with my car, bitch. That’ll teach you to open an OKCupid account behind my back, bitch. YOU BITCH. YOU ARE FAT!
(I don’t think this will fit on the wrapper)
Q. What is green, red, and runs 100 miles per hour?
Your wife in a Christmas sweater when you have a chainsaw
No one is as sympathetic to your current situation as I am. My ex-wife put sugar in my gas tank and maxed out my credit cards, but you’ve got to learn the virtue of suffering in silence. Our esteemed president, Jonathan Joke, has been through five marriages that we know of, and he knows how to keep it from affecting his work.
I’m going to make you an offer, and I can assure you it’s coming from the top: Take a few weeks off. Go to a funny place, like Titicaca or Walla Walla or Newport News…or Butte. Just go there and relax and think about you. Think about why you might cross the road. What do you get when you cross you with an orange? Knock Knock. Who’s there? You.You who?
Keep your chin up. I’ll see you at tomorrow’s status meeting.