LIGHTS UP on a METEOROLOGIST’S OFFICE. TOM, the METEOROLOGIST, sits behind a desk with a furrowed brow as BRUCE, his assistant, rushes into the room. BRUCE, breathing heavily, slams a FOLDER onto TOM’S DESK.
BRUCE: I warned you, sir. I warned you! But you didn’t listen! And now…hell has come to our doorstep.
TOM: Bruce, slow down. What are you talking about?
BRUCE: It’s here sir. It’s…a Sharknado.
BRUCE: Yes…it’s a combination of the words “shark” and “tornado.”
TOM: My god. A tornado made of sharks?
BRUCE: Well, sort of…
TOM: What do you mean? You just said it was a Sharknado.
BRUCE: Well it is…I mean, it’s a tornado filled with sharks.
TOM: Ok, so…so it’s just a regular tornado with sharks in it?
BRUCE: Yes, sir.
TOM: Then why the hell didn’t you just call it a tornado?
BRUCE: Because there are sharks in it!
TOM: Yes, but it isn’t made of sharks.
BRUCE: But it’s throwing sharks everywhere! Look!
BRUCE leads TOM to the window behind his desk.
BRUCE (CONT’D): Now look there, you see? There’s the tornado. And there’s the shark flying out of the tornado, Alright? He’s flying through the air, Ok, then he landed on that baby and ate it. Happy now?
TOM: (sarcastically) Yes, I’m real happy that a baby died.
BRUCE: But you see how it’s a Sharknado.
TOM: Bruce, if a regular tornado sucks up houses and spits them out over the countryside, we don’t call it a Housenado!
TOM: Yeah! by your logic, if a nuclear bomb goes off in the ocean, and a bunch of sharks are blasted onto land, we’d be forced to call it a Sharnuclear bomb!
BRUCE: That’s stupid!
TOM: You’re stupid! On top of that, We’re not even looking at a tornado. It’s over water! It’s more like a typhoon than anything else. Oh, oh, I’m sorry, let’s call it a Sharkphoon!
BRUCE: “Sharkphoon” doesn’t sound sexy!
Suddenly, a SHARK, flung from the “Sharknado,” gets stuck in TOM’s window.
BRUCE (CONT’D): Oh god! They’re coming through the windows.
Suddenly (again), ANTONIO SABATO JR. kicks down the door of TOM’S OFFICE, holding a chainsaw.
ANTONIO SABATO JR.: We gotta get out of here!
BRUCE: Oh! Thank goodness you’re here. We’ve got to get out of the range of this typhoon.
ANTONIO SABATO JR.: This what?
ANTONIO SABATO JR. unceremoniously pushes BRUCE into the mouth of the nearby SHARK. BRUCE is eaten.
ANTONIO SABATO JR.: (to TOM) Now then, what are we getting away from?
TOM: …the Sharknado?
ANTONIO SABATO JR.: We gotta get outta here!
ANTONIO SABATO JR. slings the chainsaw over his shoulder, picks TOM up in his arms, and exits the office.